Soft Cocktail Of Feelings
by Mugisha Come Emmanuel, University of Rwanda, college of education
You feel like the world is spiraling or being twisted that you cannot tell which wall you are leaning on. I mean when it is going to start. If you, by any chance, are able to spot this change, you can start learning the outcome. However, the whole universe has created a kind of hostile ideal that nothing is more permanent than change, that nothing is normal than change. But which changes which? Change from what to what?
When the wind blows, it gives every leaf of a tree a direction to head to, every wave a pace, meaning that it has the full control over everything present in its way. Does wind has control over itself? I do bet no.
Feeling sophisticated and complex is the only human’s Trojan horse.
And we embrace that delusion of absurd change. Let us not be deceived. I like change and it likes me back. We are friends but it is not amiable. I like it when it is less magisterial and more pliable, when it is bright and transparent. I also want to mean when it neither sneaks nor intrudes, but visits; when it comes on an invitation for a conscious pact and target.
Once upon a time, there was a blind fish. She suddenly felt thirsty, and did not remember that she dwelled in the sea. Her gills were burning of dryness that her ecosystem played a role of a fan. She was uncomfortable inside. Her eyes were closed, but maybe, she was not blind, or numb. Sometimes it feels better to act blind, other times to be blinded. It was a change. It was normal. As you would expect, she kept enjoying the water.
Have you ever been thirsty while taking a shower, or a bath? Sometimes it feels so bad that you want to sip those droplets from your hair flowing over your forehead. I am sure you don’t do it. And yet if poorly you do it, you shake that water inside your mouth, spit and await to finish. However, your feeling is completely different from the one of a hopeless zebra staggering in desert sand. It feels fully dehydrated as if it had desiccants for breakfast.
The thirsty fish did not complain because the Sea was her only world. Her gills could not absorb any water; though she was in water. She could neither get out for treatment. You know well when it happens that a fish gets out from the sea or ocean – it goes straight into a pan-pool full of boiling cooking oil. If you cannot get out, be humble and enjoy the ride.
That is what the fish did. She could not get out, so she stayed in and enjoyed the swim. Later on, it became a success. The season changed, the gills refunctioned as normal as before. No more burning thirst, no more discomfort inside. Eyes reopened too. A view that the nostalgic fish missed seemed more beautiful and tempting, which unconsciously got her hypnotized. That deep freebie placed a semi-transparent mirror in front of her. She could look ahead, see her image in reflection featured with images of other sea creatures which were behind the mirror. “What a splendid future of me!”, she boasted.
Two things are involved everywhere and every time. Love and hate, destiny and fate, male and female, life and death, heaven and hell. An author called Steve Aitchison said, “If you are going through hell, keep going.”
You should keep going because you are just going through. “Through” as you can be passing through an enormous pipe. You know that every race has a finish line, every pipe has an open end. If you are going through hell, you are not going to hell, but you are going from hell. And if you keep on walking, the hell journey comes to the finish line. And guess what the finish line is! That is a start of a new race, not back, but forward. I mean a new page in papers, a new season in TV series. That is from hell to heaven.
Back to the poor fish overwhelmed by that deviously amazing picture, it had forgot the plotline of a heartbeat: and up and down and up and down and up and down and.
One day, a fisher came hunting underwater with a spear. He swam hence and forth all day trying to kill every fish he saw but he did not make it. As all fishes had spotted him coming, they were passing too quickly for him to hit one. Drained, the fisher swam out. On his way, he noticed a still beautiful creature. “My life on a bet now”, he pledged.
He approached very slowly and stealthily in order not to miss out his sole remainder of chance. During that instance, he felt like the most skillful fisher in the world, as he reached in zero meter away from the delicious prey which was still in the same place. The man hit the thing so quickly and precisely. A short bright smile escaped him, followed by a long disillusioned gaze. As the spear went through the thing, he realized, the latter cracked and broke apart into scattered sharp pieces. The fisher had just hit the mirror of the poor fish.
Though no matter how ill-advised the poor fish whose life just came to be shielded by the mirror was, she could not stay around crying for its broken future. She fled instantly terrified. The unfortunate fisher who also flung his good-for-nothing spear went back empty-handed and starving.
After reaching in her domicile, the fish took a deep breath and thanked her keen fins. She also prided herself for the mirror she had unconsciously fashioned which literary had saved her life, since she was just behind the mirror appreciating her beauty when the spear thrusted through the rock-hard mirror. Consequently, the fish realized how stupid she had been. She had ignored that what was in the mirror was a merely empty and fake image, a haze, an illusion.
Reality finally showed up. The fish learned that no matter how nice the view can be, fishers will always exist, as well as hurricanes, and sometimes tsunamis. Her thirst was less haunting than the zebra’s. However, after she was no longer thirsty, she thought her life was as white as snow. But no, it was not. It was a bed of roses and English puts it in well: there are no roses without thorns. And naturally, her wrongly happy feelings in front of the mirror did not last.
Nonetheless, there is always something good in everything bad, as there is always an answer underlying in every question. So applies to change and illusion. Though change may intrude your beliefs, plans or knowledge, it does not come empty-handed like the said fisherman. It always comes with a risk, which I hereby call an opportunity in disguise.
And illusion: this world is so absurd and strange. Fortunately, we should not be confused for it is not confusing. Its absurdity, complexity, sophistication and inexplicability is its purely honest reality and nature. That is its way. No one knows why, after such an unmasked illusion, unpredicted blessings and absolute intelligence, the fish came out from its secret hiding and exposed herself to the same old tragedy she had just come to leave behind. The fisher will certainly come back.
Like now, she has to cherish the view when beautiful, and the exile when available. Life is not about intelligence and clarity of everything, it is all about daring stand in its obscurity, let yourself shine and enjoy the moments.
Edited by J. du Preez