Utumbe never saw me
by Reuben Chonzie
Lilongwe University of Agriculture and Natural resources; Malawi
Yes, you heard me right! There is nothing else I can do to make you happy if you can’t understand this simple explanation, and after all am not the only one here. It doesn’t mean am not thankful for the great time we had, I really adore you but nothing in this world last forever , we had our good and bad moments, it’s a high time we part ways and move forward since the world is not ending today because our relationship is over. But I guess you said you really love me honey Yes I said it but you know love comes love goes that’s the order of nature, it’s better to close the old door when the new door has open.
The world was very small, everything was going round and round in my sight, and I felt like the sky is falling on me but can’t help myself, thinking of the unthinkable feelings and unforgettable memories we share, how I am going to rest with this feelings in a lonely night without calling her beautiful name. I came to the understanding that the pain of loving someone who does not love you back is very powerful and painful like the pain of getting a GPA of 0.4.
In the year 2015 I landed in the valley of beauty as it is famously called, with great expectations of things to come in our new home we gathered in the college hall for orientation, the way students were dressing it was hard to believe that we were all first years though the continuing students were yet to come. The student’s interaction, the sitting plan in the hall was just showing their status, it was if we were being arranged according to where we are coming from because it was easy to see all the economical classes of people from high, middle to low. I never imagine university girls can move me from a bag of advice that I was carrying from home, mama never hide a single world, it was if she was reading from a book full of advice for university students, but I could understand her since I was the only star of kambuchi village. The poor mother gave her poor son little things not wealthy to shine with at university but a bunch of advice helpful in fishing the famous degree she has been longing for.
The world is funny sometimes, it’s true that someone beyond the thinking of human beings control this universe, though the world has a lot of stories, wonders and more interesting things there is one oldest concept that soften the hearts of stone hearted men, makes people from different origin speech the same language, connect people from different social-economic backgrounds and force people to share a common interest. Since the world was created years have passed, generations has passed but the concept of love has existed in the hearts of many from generation to generation without losing its value.
School work has never been a problem, I was a very smart guy who used to scoop all the academic awards and no one have ever remove me from Deans and Scholarship list, I just remember being called google, hahahahahaah I don’t know why, I guess I was the heartbeat of most student’s academic future, but SOLEDAD never saw me.
The dean of student start talking “can I be heard please, hello ladies and gentlemen welcome to Ishanaland University, this place is your next home for the entire four years so I should say welcome home ladies and gentlemen hahahahahahaha okay let me give you a simple statistics about this place, I know that some of you from the capital you already know our history but to those friends of mine from the country side this is your advantage so listen very carefully. Last year we withdraw 400 students on academic grounds, your life will not be easy as you think it will be, your grades will not be the way you expected, most of you have never scored 5%, if you are one of them welcome to Ishanaland university where the focus is not the quality of grades but moving to another year of study.
Hi! This guy is really screwing us, look at the way he is boasting up there; she said while rolling her chair next to me, she was putting on a dirty jean, with an expensive iPhone in her hand. Yes he is really screwing us I guess he is the vice chancellor, I replied. Nonono he is not, you are just coming in right? I mean you were not here from the beginning, okay he is DR. Maseko the Dean of students. Oh the dean of students, I exclaimed. Hey dude my name is Utumbe from the Capital, BSc in human science and community services and you? Pablo from Kambuchi, BSc in Human science and community services. Ooh you are optial; yes, I replied. So where is kambuchi located? She asked like she have never been in Ishanaland. The country side, I replied. Woo you are really a genius, how have you made it hear? Well just concentrate on my studies and work hard every day, I answered. I see, am very lucky to have met you, my school work will be easy you know! That’s why I choose to be here, I hate those kids they are full of boasting about their home, she said. But you are one of them, since you are from the capital, hahahaha I was about to tell you to go where you belong, I said while laughing. Yes am from the capital but I don’t behave like them, she replied as if she is defending herself. Immediately a friend who was sitting next to me whispered in my ears “dude she is all yours, welcome to Ishanaland University the home of beauty”
She was one of the pool of beauty that was shining like stars at the campus. I guess most of you understand the proverb that says love is blind, I also believe that. At first it was not easy to believe that a girl with exaggerated natural beauty from the capital is really going out with a guy from the country side, but life is full of wonders and that was just one of the funny things about college life. I knew Ishanaland had over 9000 students so a delay of a minute was wealth to lose her, so after the orientation I took her to the school cafeteria to have lunch, we share different stories about our past and of important was how her Ex-boyfriend broke her heart to a point of publicizing their break up and posting her half naked pictures in the social media. That time I really felt sorry for her, I never imagine that a relationship can end in such a manner but it was a nice day getting to know her personality.
University life was great, getting to know crazy guys who behaves like the world was only created for them, it was really a new world different to the one I have grew up. After three months our head of department organizes a trip to Lake Ishana, though I was born and grew up in Ishanaland it was my first day to go to Lake Ishana, which means that swimming was not my thing. Hey! Machelano called, yes mertio! What’s the problem? I asked though I knew what he was looking for. That time he was swimming and playing games, he was from the capital a very good womanizer. Hey guys! Come and join us there is a lot fun here, he shouted. No I won’t am also having fun here, I replied. Though I was eating pizza and listening to fantabulous stories from Utumbe I still had the desire to join them but I couldn’t allow my classmate know that I don’t know how to swim and more especially Utumbe because that could have brought down my morale that I was working extra hard to raise. From nowhere all they start shouting, hey little couple come here and show us how lovers play games in the water. Well I was really screwed up, I was like what should I do, I look at Utumbe but she was comfortably smiling, I said to myself how can she smile at this kind of situation. Surprisingly she hold my hand and we start walking, I thought she is taking me where the guys were playing but she took me at a far distance from where our friends were playing their games. I should be honest enough I really felt relief. She said I know you don’t know how to swim, don’t worry you are with me I will teach you. How do you know that I don’t know how swim? I asked her. Hey don’t be a junk I know from your eyes hahahaha, she start laughing as she run in the water. We played a lot of games and the way she was teaching me how to swim I knew she was falling for me.
After that trip a phrase called take me to Lake Ishana was everywhere and we were nicknamed lake lovers. It dint take much time before birthday came, my head grew bigger nervous and confused I dint know what to give her on her birthday party. Suddenly I start thinking of our glorious times that we had since we met, then I start writing those ideas on a piece of paper which resulted into a poem called Beauty that never fade. It was a very colorful party with lots of dances and drinking, though there was a lot of stars Utumbe was the shiniest star of all the stars. Everyone expected me to come as early as possible to the party but I was late trying to order my words into meaningful thing since my words were the only gift I had. As I was entering the room Utumbe rushed and hug me in front of all the people like she was pronouncing that I was the only one she was waiting for. That moment I feels like I was the most important person on the earth like prince of Ishanaland. Before I take a sit, Jane who was the master of ceremony said “the only man we were waiting for has just arrived without much ado I now call upon the only soulmate to Utumbe to come in front. The whole congregation start clapping hands as I was matching to the stage, then she requested the people to cool down, at last she said; now we have the most important person axially the guest of honor for this party, MR Pablo Nyirongo now the flow is yours. I sat on the stool that was close to me and face the only star I have been longing for. Everyone was diligently waiting to see what kind of gift I was about to show since there was nothing in my hand. I knew that was the right time to write my name in all the walls of Ishanaland University. Utumbe was just smiling as if she was aware of what I was about to say, ladies and gentlemen this is a very special night to the shiniest star of the university, to night allow me to present the only gift that I have, I produced a piece of paper from my pocket and asked the audience; do I have your attention? Yes! They responded while clapping hands. Well it’s a poem entitled; BEAUTY THAT NEVER FADE: Turn off the right. Let the beauty that never fade chase the fearless night. Like a flower that never wilt. Like a stream that never dry. Let my ever flowing love burnish your sadness, and harness your swollen heart, pierced by unfulfilled promises, from frequent wrong choices.
Hold me tight. Let not your heart be troubled with a dreamer, and the whisper of the responsible ones, full of responsibilities that never materialize into happiness. Like a rolling stone that never gather moss, a dreamer will never stop dreaming.
Does my words careless you? If not then stop talking to me, talk with me. Let’s turn the talking to a conversation. Cast your fears, shed your tears. Believe, in this world you are not alone, for I will always wake up by your side. In a single word, let me whisper the whispering song in your heart. In a single line, give me a chance to prove my love for you. Tonight, at this place full of roses. Accept my little endless love as a gift for your birth day. If my days are numbered let me die in the arms of the beauty that never fade. My sweet heart, have yourself a very little happy birthday.
Immediately Utumbe stood up and walk slowly to where I was, she kneel down as I follow her lead and then she kissed me and tell me that “I love u too”. I was just smiling as the whole congregation were clapping hands and shouting with joy.
Loving Utumbe was the best experience I ever had, she was kind, royal, patience and loving. I thought this love will never end but I dint know that human beings were wonderfully made. People always say that love does not cost a thing and others says love is blind but some decisions that lovers make does not follow these principles. Sometimes you never know what your partner is thinking, as she is laying on your chest on the bed of roses listening to your heart beat and cracking jokes with you is the same time she is thinking about someone who has said hi to her as she was coming to your room. As she is showing some higher levels of your situation it’s when she is asking herself how a good boyfriend can be blocked and come from the country side. It dint take much time before Utumbe utters the painful goodbye for Lonex who was the famous guy in campus.
Our relationship was one of the rare things that happen at campus for a guy from country side to fall in love with a girl from the capital. It was really hard for a boy from the country side to fall in love with a girl from the capital and because of seeking fame most of the country side girls were flocking to the guys from the capital leaving most guys from the country side struggling to get and maintain a relationship. Machelano was aware of Utumbe’s tricks but he dint tell me, I guess he dint want to disappoint me since he was my mertio. Money goes where there is plenty of it and birds of the same feathers flock together, though I tried my best giving Utumbe my whole heart, Utumbe never saw me, she only saw a boy from the country side. Things tumbled down between us I can’t say she was a bitch, I knew her as a person with good personality, everything about her was awesome she was truly the queen of stars among the stars. Whenever I want to hang out with her she always says am very busy and she stop picking my calls.
One day after a psychology class I run after her since I had missed her so much but as I was approaching her Lonex just appeared from nowhere, immediately they hugged and kissed in my presence, it was like am dreaming and I become very furious, how can she share our kiss with someone? I went straight to them but the moment Lonex saw me he put his hand on her shoulder and ask me to leave his girlfriend alone. I couldn’t understand all the noses that was happening so asked Utumbe to explain the meaning of it. She look straight into my eyes and said Pablo I hope you will understand, this is the end of the load please forgive me, we both know that you and me is something that does not exist, please let me go, hope you will be able to find someone from the country side who will love you more than I do.
I was speechless and furious but before I was about to mess things up Machelano come and take me to my room where I start meditating on the fracas. Utumbe was my only hope who was making my life complete but things did not work the way I was expected, if money and status was all what she was looking then she was right to turn me down for I was not ready to provide such things, I never find anything wrong in what she said, I was from the countryside where only ambulance was the only notable car we were used to see due to a neglected load that had no tarmac, the only star in the village that relies on village contributions to get transport fee to university, for my survival at the university my hope was on government loan but though I was from the countryside I was able to offer the most expensive thing for free, and that was my unconditional love to Utumbe. If I was struggling to eat, buy good clothes and have luxury goods Utumbe was the only one I had for free, though it was hard to let her go I watch slipping out of my very own hands. My innocence, honest, trust fullness, reliability, responsibility, integrity and love mean nothing to her, she never cares what I was capable of doing or my potential but she cares much on my failures, my heart was in great pain because the only person I trusted and loved never saw the true me.
Two years passed since Utumbe broke my heart, I tried to gather courage and carry on with life without her but the healing process was never easy for I failed to find anyone to fall in love with since the wound she left in my heart was still oozing. I felt Utumbe was fine after getting the status she was looking for but who find happiness after leaving his or her heart behind, she became the most famous girl in campus and their relationship was the talk of the country and the most luxurious one but Utumbe misses a small piece in her puzzle that was the little love we were sharing back then. One evening Utumbe called, she said she want to talk to me, I thought she was just kidding but I was surprised to see her waiting outside my room on a very cool weather when I was coming from midweek worship. Before I utter a word Utumbe hug me tight and whispered in my ears that “am very cooled”. I take her inside but the moment I closed the door she start kissing me without stopping, I guess you know what can happen when you miss someone you truly love for two years and you meet in such away, so that’s what happen we ended up in bed. Utumbe said something crazy, said “Pablo we both know I mess up things, I know what kind of wound I left in your heart but am not hear to apologize for my mistakes, am here to take back what belongs to me, you were not the only person in pain, when you were crying I was also crying in my heart. Am here to stay and start my future with you Pablo, you are the missing piece in my puzzle, I miss u so much, please I don’t care where you are coming from, where you eat, sleep and the amount of your credit card, let’s just start over. Though I gave up on her the time she dump me for another guy, she never gave up on me she always thought I was that missing piece and I really felt honored by her coming back , it was like bringing back a dead person. Her coming back is the main reason you see these kids running up and down in this house, Utumbe is my one and only.